Joe’s Rules for Not Screwin’ It Up: A Half Ass Code of Conduct

Alright, rookies. If you’re new to the trades — or just tryin’ not to wreck your house with a weekend warrior project — I got a few golden rules for ya. Consider this your Half Ass Construction crash course in not screwin’ it up.

These are lessons forged from busted knuckles, sketchy ladders, and at least three curse words per job. Let’s roll.

1. Don’t Let the Tape Measure Lie
You can’t eyeball everything. That tape’s there for a reason. Measure twice, cut once — unless you wanna take a long walk of shame back to the hardware store.

2. If It Feels Janky, It Probably Is
Wobbly deck? Weird gap? Board doesn’t sit right? Trust your gut. Janky work don’t age well. Fix it now or cry later.

3. Always Bring Extra Screws (And Snacks)
Nothing’ll stall a job faster than runnin’ outta screws... or blood sugar. Keep your hardware stocked and your belly full.

4. Caulk and Paint: What the Good Lord Gave Us to Hide Sins
Even pros mess up a cut now and then. That’s why God invented caulk and touch-up paint. Just don’t rely on it for structure — that’s what lazy people do.

5. Your Level Is Your Truth Teller
If the bubble says it’s off, it’s off. Don’t argue with the level — argue with your layout.

6. Pencil Marks Are a Language. Don’t Scribble Like a Toddler.
Learn how to mark like a pro. Arrows, angles, symbols. Joe’s rule: If someone else has to read your pencil marks, make it readable — or you’re buyin’ lunch.

7. There’s a Right Tool for Everything (And a Wrong Way to Use a Screwdriver)
Don’t pry with a screwdriver. Don’t hammer with your drill. Don’t saw with rage. Invest in the right tools — or rent ‘em. Your fingers will thank you.

8. Clean Up Your Mess, You Animal
A clean job site is a happy job site. Plus, nothin’ says “I’m a pro” like sweepin’ up before you head out. Also: nobody likes steppin’ on drywall screws in the dark.

9. Don’t Cheap Out on the Important Stuff
Tape measures, drills, boots, and ladders — buy the good ones. Cheap junk will let you down when you need it most. (Ask me about the time Earl’s bargain ladder folded like a lawn chair...)

10. Respect the Job and the Client
Do good work, don’t cut corners, and remember — the job ain’t done ‘til the customer ain’t cussin’.

You don’t need to know everything to get started. But if you follow these 10 rules, you’ll mess up a whole lot less — and maybe earn yourself a cold beer and a call-back.

Stay square and don’t be a jackwagon,
--Joe @ Half Ass Construction

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